SMERGS Quotes (as compiled by Rob Miller, Nov 2007)


“Go ahead and hit – they are well out of range” – Nick Hillyard to Phil Stabback.
“You are a ………. and you will always will be a ……… “ – Phil Alexander (we can’t remember to whom this was said?)
“Only 6 lousy balls for winning and I lose two strokes!” – Peter Macdougall
“I will never win off this handicap!” – Rick Chadwick
“What a great day the sun is shining, the birds are singing – who cares about the golf” - Gary Skulander
“I’ll be there on Sunday” James Halliday
“I’ll be there in November” – Peter Burns
“I’ll be there in 2008” – John Webb
“I left the balls and the trophies on the seat at breakfast” Andy Knott
“Today is the day – I feel so good” – Rob Lowndes
“Just slow down the putt – now take your time, relax” - Alan Waddington.
“Gee the golf was bad but the company was good” – Tim Becker
“Look, a lost ball just sitting there – and a free tee it was sitting on. Does anyone own it?” – Phil Alexander
“Which way did it go, which way did it go?” - Peter Thornton
“Well he might be a little taller but he is not a better golfer” – Ken Miller
“Oh dash – missed that little rascal of a putt” – Robert Miller
“These legs have been produced by years of exercise, diets and facial cream” - Rick Butler
“I turn up once a year with a bugle – what more do you want” - Simon Rowe
“Slowly back, slow, slow and then wack it as hard as you can” – Steve Figgis
“Let me get this right. I miss winning by one stoke, I win just two balls and I still loose a stroke“ – Bruce Rowe
“See my ball – just near the pin – just to the left of it – just past the next postcode” – Alan O’Donovan
“These SMERGS are a little strange” – Ian Baker
“Have the SMERGS always been this strange?” – John Ferreira
“I have sped up my play since I started playing competition” – Alan Waddington
“Yes - from dead-slow to slow” – anonymous

Things you never hear at SMERGS

“Wow three balls and a loss of a stroke – that’s fantastic”
“I think xxxx has the right handicap and winning by eight strokes is certainly fair”
“Boy that group in front is playing fast”
“I’m happy for the group behind to hit up on us - it speeds up play”
“Take you time looing for the ball – we have all day”
“I enjoy players speaking during my putt”
“Yes have another five wiggles. Thirty wiggles before your drive is just not enough sometimes”
“No its fine – everyone leaves there golf bag thirty feet behind their ball when they are hitting”
“No you don’t look like a poof in those golf shoes and those dreadful shorts”
“No your legs looks good – we would not say it if we didn’t really mean it”
“Those sailing shorts will last at least another 20 years Rob”
“We will keep looking for my ball – why don’t you call the group behind to play through”
“I love winning and also paying for coffee – I wish I could do it every week”
“The organiser of the event is right – his rules are very fair”
“I enjoy players speaking on my back swing”
“By all means put your extra coffee on the list and not the extras list”